At five years old, Kristal Brent Zook sat on the steps of a Venice Beach, California, motel trying to make sense of her white father’s abandonment, which left her feeling unworthy of a man’s love and of white protection. Raised by her working-class African American mother and grandmother, Zook was taught not to count on anyone, especially men. Men leave. Men disappoint. In adulthood she became a feminist, activist, and “race woman” journalist in New York City. Despite her professional success, something was missing. Coming to terms with her identity was a constant challenge.

The Girl in the Yellow Poncho is Zook’s coming-of-age tale about what it means to be biracial in America. Throughout, she grapples with in-betweenness while also facing childhood sexual assault, economic insecurity, and multigenerational alcoholism and substance abuse on both the Black and white sides of her family. Her story is one of strong Black women—herself, her cousin, her mother, and her grandmother—and the generational cycles of oppression and survival that seemingly defined their lives.

Setting out on an inner journey that takes her across oceans and continents, Zook tells the story of a little girl who never gives up on love, even long after it seems to have been destroyed. In the end she triumphs, reconciling with her father and mother to create the family of her dreams through forgiveness and sheer force of will. A testament to the power of settling into one’s authentic identity, this book tells a story of a daughter’s lifelong yearning, a mother’s rediscovery of lost love, and the profound power of atonement and faith to heal a broken family.

Kristal Brent Zook is Professor of Journalism at Hofstra University and author of Color by Fox: The Fox Network and the Revolution in Black Television, Black Women’s Lives: Stories of Pain and Power, and I See Black People: The Rise and Fall of African American-Owned Television and Radio. Zook’s entertainment, cultural, and social justice journalism has appeared in Vanity Fair, the New Yorker, Life, Entertainment Weekly, the New York Times Book Review, Essence, the Washington Post, and elsewhere. She lives in Miami and New York.

Preface  ix
Acknowledgments xi
1. Kansas Avenue  1
2. Uncle Mervin  7
3. Noches  13
4. Laurel Canyon  17
5. Dra  23
6. Hollywood Boulevard  27
7. Rockin’ Out  33
8. College Bound  41
9. Activist  47
10. Light-Skinned  55
11. Taking a Chance  63
12. Dad  69
13. ABD  79
14. Detour  87
15. Writer  95
16. Pain  105
17. Australia  111
18. Hiding  119
19. An Adventure  127
20. Alfonso  133
21. A New Life  141
22. Multiracial  149
23. Forgiving  155
24. Memories  159
25. Vashon Island  163
26. Thanksgiving  171
27. Lisa  177
28. Rekindled  183
29. Rage  189
30. A Birthday  195
31. Mothers  199
32. Transformation  207