Gallaudet University Press, 2007 Paper: 978-1-56368-357-2 | eISBN: 978-1-56368-388-6 Library of Congress Classification PS3608.E89B84 2007 Dewey Decimal Classification 818.609
ABOUT THIS BOOK | AUTHOR BIOGRAPHY | TOC
ABOUT THIS BOOK
“What you have in your hands is a bomb. But it is the kind you need to hold on to for dear life, not run away from.”
—From the Foreword, John Lee Clark
Christopher Jon Heuer lost his hearing early, but not before “being able to hear a lot as a kid.” He also received a good education, both in a speech-oriented setting and a signing environment. These varied experiences provided him with the perfect background to write about biases he faced, not only those of a mostly oblivious hearing society, but also those of ideologically restrictive members of the Deaf community. BUG: Deaf Identity and Internal Revolution combines new work of Heuer’s with his best columns from The Tactile Mind Weekly and the National Association of the Deaf’s Mind Over Matter. He addresses all topics – exit interviews, baldness, faith healing, marriage, cats, Christmas trips, backyard campfires in boxer shorts – with a withering wit that spares no aspect of life and deafness.
Being “bugged” for Heuer began early: “When I was growing up, my mother’s response to every problem I had was: ‘Well, he just needs to adjust to his deafness.’ Bloody nose? ‘Chris, you need to adjust to your deafness.’ Homework not done? ‘I know it’s hard adjusting to your deafness, honey, but ....’ Acne scarring? ‘Lots of teenagers get zits, Chris. I know it’s hard for you, dealing with this while trying to adjust to your ....’” He rebelled then, and continues through his even-handed irreverence in BUG, a bomb that should go off in everyone’s consciousness about being deaf and Deaf.
AUTHOR BIOGRAPHY
Christopher Jon Heuer is an instructor in the Department of Applied Literacy at Gallaudet University, Washington, DC.
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Contents
Foreword
Acknowledgments
Introduction: On Small Things Easily Squished (and Alternative Destinies)
I Choose the Green Crayon
Bald Men Grow Hair When They Want To
The "Must Put Pickle" Mentality
Campfires in Boxer Shorts-Confessions of a Hearing Aid-Less Exhibitionist
Pushed into Faith Healing
Deaf Man Killed by Flying Golf Ball-A Eulogy of Small Accomplishments
I Am Not Your Poster Child
Corresponding Oval
Chris, Amy, and the Floating Motion Sickness Pills
Five Beers Away
Christmas Is Filling up a Dinky Little '01 Toyota Corolla Gas Tank
Responsibility Is Not a Burden
One Guy vs. 7 Billion! Can He Win? Can He?!?
"I Don't Understand" vs. "You're Not Making Yourself Understood"
Praying for the Hell's Angel
Noise Paranoia
I Stopped Being Disabled and Nobody Knows
a lot of bullets
Value beyond ASL, Value beyond Breasts
Plastic Souls
Koko Want
Point A to Point B Should Be a Straight Line
But I Don't Want to Buy a Deaf Person!
Fares
Babes from Space!
I Worship Cochlear Implants!
Have Cell Phone, Am God
Shark and Camel
One Roll of Tape and Your Whole World Collapses
Minority = Pathology
The Real World-Bigger than You Think
A Bit Less Hearing, a Bit Less "hearing," But a Bit More of Both
Hangman
Cash My Check, You Flying Brick-Headed Rat-Pole Witch!
What Criteria for "Well-Meaning?"
Popping the Normal Pill
Stuck
Empathy Is Not Pity
Reborn, Karma-Style
He May Not Understand, but He Still Ranks a Five
Why Must We Know?
Red Is Stop, Deaf Is. . . .?
That's You, That's Your Beer-Keep Them Separate
Guess What? My Hearing Ancestors Had Sex Too!
Deaf Rumor Mills-The Surest Path to Absolute Freedom
Backstabbers Aim for Your Back, so Why Cover Your Ass?
I Am a Crab
Who Says Oralism Failed?
He Wrote about Ring Bologna and Disappeared
Spleen Gone Blues
Rubella Bulge
Footballs at $1,400 Each
You Don't Have 100 percent to Give
Those Who Play by the Rules
Never Get Mad without Your Prescription
Departure
Move On from Milan
Why Deaf People No Go Boom
Making Deaf Awareness Day Effective
Just Duck and They'll Shoot Each Other!
Conflict
Nietzsche's Downside
Advice on Tennis and Pain
Missing the Bounce
Institutionalized Just Like You
Dishes Done, Institution-Style!
Research-The Best Way to Avoid Real Answers
The Sign for Administrator
When Your Cat Is Passive-Aggressive
Invalidation: The Mind-Game Gift That Keeps on Giving!
Institutions for the Deaf? Pfft
Guys in Ties? One Tug Closer to Strangulation!
White Dress Shirts-Making the World Safe for Workplace Projection!
The Tyranny of Polyester
It's Vietnam All over Again!
My Son, the Manchurian Candidate!
Engineering Efficient Institutions
The Lie of Dependency
In the Depths of Space, No One Can Lipread Your Scream
You're Always Caught in Someone's Machine
Visible Scars
It Wasn't Self-Pity That Stopped Me from Becoming a Telemarketer
If
Grant Me the Wisdom
The Starving African Children Ain't Got Nothin' on Us
Life Is Fairer When You Get Mugged
A Message in a Bottle from the Governor of Reality (Hopefully You Can Grab This without
Rocking the Boat)
Man Up, Women!
Unfortunately, Now You Can't Get a Deaf President Out of Office
When Enough Do, Most Will
"... Anything Except Hear," Including Believe Inspirational Bullshit
Another Problem with "Deaf People Can. . . ."
Learn to Recognize a Smokescreen from a Smoke Job
The Economics of Presence
Why the Deaf Education Teacher Went to Hell
"We Can Save the Deaf!" (The Official Deaf Education Fight Song)
On Being Brave
I Thought You Were KGB!
Don't Stop with Dreams
Strip Club Literacy
ASL Is a Visual Language ... Just Like Printed English!
Let's Bring Back "Deaf and Dumb"
Sometimes Things Break Off
Parenthood in the Blizzard
Denial Rules Everything
Coping
The Economy of Love and Paying Attention
Hearing Parents Know
The Best Defense Is a Good Disqualification
The Age of Digital Boob Magic
Paternalism and Sleeping Cats
Murderball
Final Notes for Hearing/Nonsigning Parents
Afterword
Gallaudet University Press, 2007 Paper: 978-1-56368-357-2 eISBN: 978-1-56368-388-6
“What you have in your hands is a bomb. But it is the kind you need to hold on to for dear life, not run away from.”
—From the Foreword, John Lee Clark
Christopher Jon Heuer lost his hearing early, but not before “being able to hear a lot as a kid.” He also received a good education, both in a speech-oriented setting and a signing environment. These varied experiences provided him with the perfect background to write about biases he faced, not only those of a mostly oblivious hearing society, but also those of ideologically restrictive members of the Deaf community. BUG: Deaf Identity and Internal Revolution combines new work of Heuer’s with his best columns from The Tactile Mind Weekly and the National Association of the Deaf’s Mind Over Matter. He addresses all topics – exit interviews, baldness, faith healing, marriage, cats, Christmas trips, backyard campfires in boxer shorts – with a withering wit that spares no aspect of life and deafness.
Being “bugged” for Heuer began early: “When I was growing up, my mother’s response to every problem I had was: ‘Well, he just needs to adjust to his deafness.’ Bloody nose? ‘Chris, you need to adjust to your deafness.’ Homework not done? ‘I know it’s hard adjusting to your deafness, honey, but ....’ Acne scarring? ‘Lots of teenagers get zits, Chris. I know it’s hard for you, dealing with this while trying to adjust to your ....’” He rebelled then, and continues through his even-handed irreverence in BUG, a bomb that should go off in everyone’s consciousness about being deaf and Deaf.
AUTHOR BIOGRAPHY
Christopher Jon Heuer is an instructor in the Department of Applied Literacy at Gallaudet University, Washington, DC.
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Contents
Foreword
Acknowledgments
Introduction: On Small Things Easily Squished (and Alternative Destinies)
I Choose the Green Crayon
Bald Men Grow Hair When They Want To
The "Must Put Pickle" Mentality
Campfires in Boxer Shorts-Confessions of a Hearing Aid-Less Exhibitionist
Pushed into Faith Healing
Deaf Man Killed by Flying Golf Ball-A Eulogy of Small Accomplishments
I Am Not Your Poster Child
Corresponding Oval
Chris, Amy, and the Floating Motion Sickness Pills
Five Beers Away
Christmas Is Filling up a Dinky Little '01 Toyota Corolla Gas Tank
Responsibility Is Not a Burden
One Guy vs. 7 Billion! Can He Win? Can He?!?
"I Don't Understand" vs. "You're Not Making Yourself Understood"
Praying for the Hell's Angel
Noise Paranoia
I Stopped Being Disabled and Nobody Knows
a lot of bullets
Value beyond ASL, Value beyond Breasts
Plastic Souls
Koko Want
Point A to Point B Should Be a Straight Line
But I Don't Want to Buy a Deaf Person!
Fares
Babes from Space!
I Worship Cochlear Implants!
Have Cell Phone, Am God
Shark and Camel
One Roll of Tape and Your Whole World Collapses
Minority = Pathology
The Real World-Bigger than You Think
A Bit Less Hearing, a Bit Less "hearing," But a Bit More of Both
Hangman
Cash My Check, You Flying Brick-Headed Rat-Pole Witch!
What Criteria for "Well-Meaning?"
Popping the Normal Pill
Stuck
Empathy Is Not Pity
Reborn, Karma-Style
He May Not Understand, but He Still Ranks a Five
Why Must We Know?
Red Is Stop, Deaf Is. . . .?
That's You, That's Your Beer-Keep Them Separate
Guess What? My Hearing Ancestors Had Sex Too!
Deaf Rumor Mills-The Surest Path to Absolute Freedom
Backstabbers Aim for Your Back, so Why Cover Your Ass?
I Am a Crab
Who Says Oralism Failed?
He Wrote about Ring Bologna and Disappeared
Spleen Gone Blues
Rubella Bulge
Footballs at $1,400 Each
You Don't Have 100 percent to Give
Those Who Play by the Rules
Never Get Mad without Your Prescription
Departure
Move On from Milan
Why Deaf People No Go Boom
Making Deaf Awareness Day Effective
Just Duck and They'll Shoot Each Other!
Conflict
Nietzsche's Downside
Advice on Tennis and Pain
Missing the Bounce
Institutionalized Just Like You
Dishes Done, Institution-Style!
Research-The Best Way to Avoid Real Answers
The Sign for Administrator
When Your Cat Is Passive-Aggressive
Invalidation: The Mind-Game Gift That Keeps on Giving!
Institutions for the Deaf? Pfft
Guys in Ties? One Tug Closer to Strangulation!
White Dress Shirts-Making the World Safe for Workplace Projection!
The Tyranny of Polyester
It's Vietnam All over Again!
My Son, the Manchurian Candidate!
Engineering Efficient Institutions
The Lie of Dependency
In the Depths of Space, No One Can Lipread Your Scream
You're Always Caught in Someone's Machine
Visible Scars
It Wasn't Self-Pity That Stopped Me from Becoming a Telemarketer
If
Grant Me the Wisdom
The Starving African Children Ain't Got Nothin' on Us
Life Is Fairer When You Get Mugged
A Message in a Bottle from the Governor of Reality (Hopefully You Can Grab This without
Rocking the Boat)
Man Up, Women!
Unfortunately, Now You Can't Get a Deaf President Out of Office
When Enough Do, Most Will
"... Anything Except Hear," Including Believe Inspirational Bullshit
Another Problem with "Deaf People Can. . . ."
Learn to Recognize a Smokescreen from a Smoke Job
The Economics of Presence
Why the Deaf Education Teacher Went to Hell
"We Can Save the Deaf!" (The Official Deaf Education Fight Song)
On Being Brave
I Thought You Were KGB!
Don't Stop with Dreams
Strip Club Literacy
ASL Is a Visual Language ... Just Like Printed English!
Let's Bring Back "Deaf and Dumb"
Sometimes Things Break Off
Parenthood in the Blizzard
Denial Rules Everything
Coping
The Economy of Love and Paying Attention
Hearing Parents Know
The Best Defense Is a Good Disqualification
The Age of Digital Boob Magic
Paternalism and Sleeping Cats
Murderball
Final Notes for Hearing/Nonsigning Parents
Afterword