When you want to get up for an early flight, what do you do? You set an alarm. If you want to benchpress your body weight, how do you start? You slowly build up your muscles so you can achieve your goal. And when you’ve got a big deadline looming, what’s the best way to handle it? Plan out your time.

If you’re like most people, you know all these things are true, but at some point or another, you’ve dropped the ball: You’ve missed a flight because you cut it too close, you’ve overestimated what you can physically do, hurting yourself in the process, or you’ve tried to cram in a month’s worth of work into a frantic forty-eight-hour panic fest. Yes?

You’re not alone. Even Aristotle knew this when he said, “I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self.”

You want the secret to success. You want to take control of your life and achieve your goals. We all do. Since research has repeatedly shown that self-control is like a muscle, think of this book as your personal trainer to build up your skills and strength. Self-Control in 7 Steps offers the proven mental tricks, organizational strategies, and tools to transform the bored, unfocused, and lazy in all of us.

There are many kinds of helpers in our world, the caregivers among us. They are the social workers who serve the vulnerable, the nurses and doctors who treat the ill, the teachers who instruct the young, the first responders who rescue the imperiled, the faith leaders who comfort the congregation, the volunteers who support the community. And whether or not it is our professional calling, each of us is likely to serve as a caregiver at some point in our lives, as a parent raising a child, for instance, or as a loved one caring for an aging relative. These and many other efforts to serve are among the most noble pursuits we can imagine, but they come with a danger worth recognizing. 

In their devotion to the well-being of others, caregivers routinely put their own well-being  last and can unintentionally burn themselves out physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Their self-neglect, paired alongside a deep desire to help others, has the potential to stir up feelings of anger and resentment, leading to a sense of guilt and shame. They often believe that if they were to grant themselves any rest or grace, they would be at risk of failing in their duty. 

In The Soul of the Helper, Dr. Holly K. Oxhandler shows caregivers and fellow helpers a more self-compassionate way to cope with their overwhelming responsibilities and to attend to their own needs, particularly when it comes to their mental health and spiritual journey. She invites them to pause and realize that if they let their personal resources run dry, they cannot possibly care for others as fully as they wish. In fact, their efforts are likely to cause more harm than good. 

With a background in spiritually-integrated mental health, Dr. Oxhandler teaches helpers a seven-step process to slow down and reconnect with the stillness within themselves. It is in this space of stillness that Oxhandler guides helpers to reconnect with the “sacred spark” within their soul. By allowing themselves to enter that stillness, caregivers will recognize that they, too, are worthy of care. And with that realization, they will see anew the sacred spark that dwells inside everyone else, especially within those they’re helping.

As a social worker, researcher, and person of faith, Dr. Oxhandler writes in a warm and welcoming style, shares many relatable stories, and widens her scope to include believers of all faiths and spiritual traditions. Her book is for caregivers everywhere who sense the sacred spark within them saying, in effect: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”