Contents
Epilogue: When the Going Gets Tough, the Freaks Perish Weirdly
1. The Cusp of Corpsedom
2. Certain Harsh Judgments of Recent Vintage
3. He Thought as Much
4. Forward Progress for Positive Yardage
5. Midwife to Giants
6. A Note to the Timekeeper
7. Second Seat, Back Fiddle
8. Near-Zero Turning Radius
9. Nevertheless
10. Book Learning Is the Pink Fiberglass of the People
11. The Juicing Muse
12. The Next Ludicrous Failure Waiting in the Wings
13. Femme Fatality
14. Vomitus Mundi
15. The Several Faces of Celeste
16. Stuck a Feather in His Cap and Called It Cannelloni
17. WoE Is mE
18. The Silky Smooth Drawers of Ghoulie the Cricketer
19. Hussies of Cellblock DD
20. The Casserole Parents
21. More Sowbellies, Less Style
22. Forebear, Afterbear, Present Bear
23. God and Man at Denny’s
24. The Milk of Magnesia of Human Kindness
25. Smurf ’n’ Turf
26. Flying the Coop de Grace
27. A Metaphor from the Theater...
28. The Last Half-Inch of Life
29. Biography-Scotch
30. Attestations of the Party of the First Part
31. The Last Leak
32. The Streep of Death by Canned Beer
33. Lumpkin’s Choice
34. Above Covenants
35. That Damned Lissomeness
36. Where It Says the Heavy Head of Pablo the Possum, Read . . .
37. Sorry for the Interruption...
38. Armageddon on with It
39. You Are Here
40. Isn’t It Ironic? Don’t You Think?
41. Charity Begins at the Top of the Cup, Little Dude
42. Your 20, His 30
43. Death and All Its Serifs and Portals and Butterscotches
44. Unglesby and the Caramel Corn
45. The Hexagon of Friend-Having
46. Sackcloth and Ashcans
47. Tintinnabulation
48. How Droll!
49. The Pocket-Pool Talisman
50. Ollie the Punt Returner
51. Death the Disambiguator
52. Taking a Vada from Vertex to Vortex
53. The Difference Between a Fascis and a Fucking Mess
54. Immortality via Duotone Resin
55. The Central Axe
56. Lacuna Beach
57. One Practical Lady
58. Tapping the Bladder
59. To Action!
60. OK, So It’s Pretty Sorry Action
61. Late Mom
62. Lingua Vada
63. In Defense of the Pun
64. A Buttload of Bottlecaps, a Big Basement
65. Two Films, Summarized
66. Strange Attractors
67. United in Love and the Rheumatiz
68. The Underwater Undead
69. A Shining Subdivision upon a Hill
70. Piscinity: A Strained Metaphor
71. A Truth Universally Acknowledged
72. The Thunder of Disclosure
73. No Man’s Napkin
74. Mr. Jefferson’s Colossal Cowpie
75. Spreading Thin the Raspberry Corps
76. Smart Capitalism
77. Führer Bee
78. Under the Microscope
79. Revenge Is a Double-Edged Sword Best Served Cold
80. Nanook of the Penumbra
81. Yahweh’s Subtrahend, Mommy’s Monster
82. Toshiro from Encino, Malfeasant Flumist, Toting WMD, KO’d by WY, VIP
83. Vada, Come On, It’s Time
84. The Hero Accountants of the Apocalypse Crunch Their Aftermaths (Biff, Pow, Nnnfff)
85. Under’s Easier (A Tale from the Age of Shivery)
86. The Meat Journalist’s Chauffeur
87. Baker’s Man
88. Dorito Ergo Sum
89. That Little Tricorn Glow
90. Aubergine Trebuchet
91. Busman’s Holiday
92. Five Snapshots
93. A Dental Irony
94. What True Love Looks Like
95. Pièce de Vichy
96. Black Panther, Brown Bear, White Devil
97. Gravity’s Slack
98. The Antonym of Shipwreck
99. Wedding Cake
100. Giddy
101. No Juiciness
102. Vada Was an Angel
103. The Five Sacraments of the Apocalypse
104. Subtract One
Acknowledgments